The Moment Everything Clicked – My ADHD Diagnosis

I was 21 when I was officially diagnosed with ADHD, but looking back—it had always been there.

I was in my third year of university, studying a Bachelor of Science in Physiology. By then, I had developed a long-standing habit of pushing myself to keep up. I really wanted to do well—I always had—but no matter how much I cared, staying focused felt like trying to hold water in my hands. Everything slipped through. In school I had no issues with completing assignments, and getting good grades. If anything it inflated my confidence for how well I was going to do at university, but uni was such a different experience for me and I was just scrambling to keep up. I went from expecting excellences (NZ school version of an A) to just trying to pass so that I could continue with my degree.

One day, when studying for my final exam, or my final semester of my final year, I was talking to a close friend who has ADHD. I remember venting:
"I just can’t focus. I try, but my brain just... wanders. One moment I'm focused and the next I'm just staring at the wall. It doesn’t matter how important the task is or how well I want to do, I just can’t seem to study.

He paused, then asked me gently, “Have you ever been tested for ADHD?”

That moment cracked something open.

What started as a casual conversation spiraled into a full-on retrospective of my life. I found myself mentally rifling through every school report, every symptom, every “you’ve got so much potential if you’d just apply yourself” comment. Suddenly, all the pieces that never made sense before were clicking into place.

I didn’t know much about ADHD back then—especially how it can show up in girls and women. I hadn’t connected the dots between my restlessness, my zoning out, hyper-focus on random topics, extreme fatigue and the constant tug-of-war between high expectations and executive dysfunction.

After some deep Googling and more late-night overthinking than I’d like to admit, I decided to seek a referral to a psychiatrist. I was nervous—I half expected to be told I was just lazy or anxious or making excuses. To be fair, that is the exact comment I got from my GP when asking for a referral. he asked me why I thought I needed an ADHD assessment, and when I explained my symptoms to him, he replied "I think you're just an intelligent girl, and that makes you very intolerant to people". I honestly was baffled for by this, it was so condescending, but it also wasn't his place to give his opinion. I politely responded "respectfully I wasn't asking for your opinion on the matter, I was requesting a referral to the doctor who is qualified to do so." He reluctantly gave me the referral and I set myself up with an appointment with the psychiatrist. Honestly I was expecting the same treatment from them as well.

But that didn’t happen.
Instead, my psychiatrist listened. He asked questions. And by the end of that appointment, I had an official ADHD diagnosis. He commented that he was surprised I had never come in sooner as it was very obvious to him.

It wasn’t a dramatic moment—it was quiet, almost anticlimactic—but it changed everything.

There’s a strange kind of grief that can come with a late diagnosis. Relief too, of course—but also sadness for all the times I struggled silently, thinking it was just me. I did have an overwhelming feeling of "how I am and how I have been all my life just makes so much sense now", I felt validated and emotional, and proud of myself for coping pretty well considering! I think the most sadness came from only finding out right at the end of my uni experience, and wondering how much differently it could have gone if I had the diagnosis and medication to help me with studying all those years.

Since then, it’s been a journey. One that I’m still on.

Now, years later, I’m navigating pregnancy and the transition into motherhood with ADHD (and a recent autism diagnosis, but that’s a story for another time). I still work full-time as a team manager, and most days feel like a balancing act between chaos and clarity. But I’m slowly learning what works for me, and how to show up for myself—diagnosis and all.

If you’re wondering if you might have ADHD—or you’ve recently been diagnosed—just know you’re not alone. And it's not too late to understand yourself in a whole new way.